How to install Arch Linux in 2023 [REAL] [NOT FAKE] [2023] [NO VIRUS]

DISCLAIMER: This is not official advice, the views expressed here are by no means my own. This is both a joke, and a riff on more popular posts, mixed with an actual guide, I don't hate you guys, you read my posts, so you're cool.

Cover image credits: MakeUseOf

step 1: go to archlinux.org/download and download the torrent (get a torrent client you fuckface).

step 2: open the fucking torrent and add the thing, start downloading the archlinux.

step 3: boot the archlinux.

step 4: run archinstall

step 5: profit

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Ok so that's not it.

Here's how you actually do it.

You go to archlinux.org/download and get the torrent, open it in your torrent client of choice. (I use qbittorrent)
Download the ISO from the torrent.
Open balenaEtcher and add in the ISO and your target drive (or use Ventoy).
Boot off of the USB in your one-time boot settings (google <manufacturer> one-time boot key or <manufacturer> bios key )
If you use wifi, open iwctl. Ethernet with DHCP (like in a VM) will work automatically.
If you use wifi, in the iwctl shell, run device list and locate your wifi card (should start with a w)
in iwctl, then run <device> <device> set-property Powered on
run station <device> scan

then list all networks and choose one (station <device> get-networks), then connect to one (station <device> connect <ssid>)
Now, run archinstall.
Follow the steps there. Arrows to move up and down, enter to access a new menu, backspace to go back. Configure everything and hit install.
Profit.